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We're Different. Yeah, We're Different.

If you are a fan of rap, good for you. If not, this blog title sounds pretty arrogant. Either way, Tony says this line from 2Chainz to the girls all the time. Maybe he is trying to remind them (or just remind himself) that they are not the same baby.

On my mind lately has been the thought of how having twins is different than having one child or even multiple children of various ages. It’s been difficult for me to know the differences since I have only had twins. But just from being a singleton and knowing basically only people who have singleton babies, I am convinced that nothing is the same when you have twins.

Disclaimer: I am not trying to make anyone feel bad for something you think you might have said to me about my kids! And if you think you may have hurt my feelings, you most likely DID NOT. I’m just thinking and explaining, no code is being used to tell anyone that they have wronged me!!!

Sometimes people say things that tell me they think they know what having twins is like… After the conversation, I usually stand there alone and confused for a second and then say, “Yeah, it doesn’t work like that.” Here are some examples:

“Isn’t it nice when they are on different schedules? Then you get individual time with each one of them.”    
-It doesn’t work like that.

After I tell someone that we tried an outing with the girls, like dinner and the mall, and it was a disaster… “oh, I bet you wish you had a good baby like so-and-so.”           
-It definitely doesn’t work like that! (Albeit this person did not have children. No parent in their right mind would give a response like this!)

“I wish I had twins!”    
-Think this through, lady/man! (This is pretty much always people who are physically finished having children. They can say this without jinxing themselves.)

“Double Trouble!”  
- It doesn’t work like that! They are not one hellion doubled. Also, I think this is the most hateful yet playful thing to say to a parent or their children. (ADDITION: I think I hate this phrase so much because I was getting while I was pregnant. I felt like people were branding my babies before they even had a chance to make their own impression.)

And what I am starting to realize as a singleton parent’s code for I think I get what it’s like having twins. “My kid is crazy enough, I can’t even imagine having two of him/her.”  
-It most definitely does not work like this! Let me explain…

Having two babies the same age is not the same as just doubling the crazy behavior of one child. It changes logistics, routines, your relationship with each of them, the dynamics of your home and life.  Here are some examples (some things are rotten and some are great blessings, you’ll be able to tell the difference :).

-I learned during pregnancy that I had to give up a lot of control and just go with the flow for my twins’ sake. It didn’t seem like that big of a deal to me, but for some women I guess doing things their way is a big deal. I was told when I would have my babies by appointment, I was told when I couldn’t work anymore, I was told that I had to have an epidural before I even went into labor (I was totally cool with that!), I was told that I would deliver in an OR with only my husband with me (and a buttload of hospital staff), I was not told anything during my delivery (apparently they didn’t think I could handle what was going on down there), then I was sent home with no advice or help with two babies that I will never be able to maintain control of.  Let’s face it, who can control anyone anyway?!

-I can’t rock my babies to sleep. Neither would stay asleep, and the logistics of laying each one down just doesn’t work out. (CORRECTION: Obviously, I have done this because I have had these results. I get lots of snuggles and cuddles while they are awake. At this point, nap time is theirs and I do not want to interfere! They need a solid 5 hours a day to sleep soundly through the night. That may be a crazy amount of napping for some, but my girls are big sleepers!)

-I can’t hold one sleeping baby during a nap. If the other is awake, they are injured or in need at some point which forces me to awaken the sleeping baby. Then I have one injured baby and one cranky baby. If the other is asleep, I can’t lay the sleeping one down when the other wakes up. I will have to either lay her down beside an awake crying baby, or lay her down in another room after I have sleeping-baby-proofed it, and then she will wake up anyway.
(CORRECTION: I can do this, it has just never worked out well. They get better quality sleep if I put them in their cribs and let them sleep.)

-If one baby wakes up from a nap early, I can’t let the other sleep more than 30 minutes more. If I did, that would turn into a day of constantly putting a baby to sleep, and absolutely no down time for Mommy! (ADDITION: Yes, the individual time is really nice, but so is a shower and food.)

-The advice that old women always give to “Sleep when the baby sleeps”… Right.  I don’t think I have ever napped while they were napping. That is my 30 minute-2 hour time slot to cook dinner, clean the entire house, work out (yeah right), eat, catch up on any TV I have missed during the countless hours of Yo Gabba Gabba and Micky Mouse Clubhouse, do laundry, write a blog, plan their first birthday party, finish the chapter of Bossypants that I have been reading for 2 months, take a shower, and brush my teeth or hair (whichever is worse).

-There aren’t many things I can do on my own with two babies who can’t walk yet. I can go from sitting on the floor holding them, to a standing position, walk to their bedroom, stepping over a crotch-high baby gate, turn them to look in the mirror, make each one wave, lay them in their cribs, say, “I love you. Now take a Nippie Nappy Noodle,” and walk out! BAM! But, I can’t take them to Target or Kroger or Walmart (not that I want to). There is not a way to put them both in one cart, and using their stroller means that I have no room to buy anything. I can’t take them to play in the snow, unless I just drop them both in the snow… and so on. (CORRECTION: I can do this, but I'd rather not. I'd rather just wait until Tony is able to watch at least one of the girls then I can have some one-on-one time with a babe. Or he can watch both of them and Mommy gets to go alone. Ahhh, the peacefulness!)

-Everything must be planned in detail. I think this is true for anyone with kids, but with two under a year, it’s a little different. I’ve gotten to the point where I just say my list of detailed plans out loud before I do anything. Sometimes I’m speaking to Tony, or the babies, or just myself. “When we get out of the car. I’ll get Georgia. You get Olive and the backpack. You get the stroller. I’ll close and lock the doors. We have 20 minutes until they need to eat. We are going straight to the baby section for 6 lbs of formula, 1,000 diapers, and 2 million wipes.” Or “Mommy is going to go pee, then grab some diapers for you guys, and throw away all these wipes covered in spit-up that you keep wanting to play with. I’ll be right back. Don’t climb anything!” Or “Okay Jodi. If the babies stay asleep, you need to get out of bed, take a shower, find some clothes that don’t look too wrinkled, get dressed, do your hair and make up as fast as you can, get two bottles ready, change the babies, feed them. But if they wake up early…”

-The girls have learned to share me. They do get jealous sometimes, but usually when Georgia sees me holding, hugging, kissing, and cuddling Olive, she smiles. She is happy to see us happy, and she knows it’s her turn next. On the other hand, when Olive sees Georgia getting all the lovin, she is there, in your face, ready to party too!

-The girls have each other, so they don’t always need Mommy or Daddy right there. They are always together! I love that. And they don’t mind if I make dinner, as long as they have a playmate. This is really the only convenience of having twins, but it’s a great one!

-They became independent as early as possible. They don’t get coddled, and at this point they don’t want to be. They don’t like being held when they drink a bottle. They need their space. When they get a bump, they get a kiss and move on. I don’t have the hands to hold them both for 5 minutes every time they fall down. They are also pretty tough. The other day, Olive fell backward and hit her head on the play mat. We waited for her to cry, but she just turned her head and started watching TV. I didn’t do any of this on purpose, just out of survival instincts, but I am so thankful to have kids who aren’t needy! That rocks.

-They feed off of each other. One playful squeal at the dinner table quickly becomes a screaming contest. One baby awake in the middle of the night, if left to cry, turns into two inconsolable, terrified, crying babies in the middle of the night. One little laugh can become a giggle fest. One dangerous stunt turns into the X Games.

-They teach one another things. Like how to click the tongue, how to spit out baby food, how to climb the entertainment center, how to smack the table to demand more food after spitting out the entire last bite, how to stand in the crib, how to wave in the mirror, how to turn on the Home Shopping Network, how to work together the pull down the baby gate, and so on.

-They aren’t possessive. But they haven’t really gotten to that stage yet so I can’t say much. They take everything from each other, but they don’t really care when something is taken from them. They especially love to suck on each other’s pacifiers. It’s like they are different flavors or something.

-They aren’t scared of anyone (except my Dad once. I think it traumatized him more than Georgia). That thing where people ask, “Will she let me hold her?” Haha. “Of course she will! You are now her favorite person! She may squirm a lot because she isn’t used to being held for more than a few minutes.”

-They also aren’t scared of anything. I think this has nothing to do with being twins, and all to do with their father. He is constantly trying to scare them. They think it’s hilarious and they love him even more for it.

-When doing laundry, I have done an entire load of bibs! But I’ve learned my lesson, now we just use the same two until they’re stiff.

-This may be me making excuses, but I feel like they can’t be compared to the develop of other children until they are in a classroom setting (where everyone is getting the same 26 to 1 attention- they will thrive there!). First, I’m not a full time mom who spends all of my time reading to my baby and teaching her sign language and Spanish (I am just jealous of you all who do!), I work all day and want to lay on the couch and watch Ellen when I get home. I don’t usually get to do that, but anyway. My point is, I can’t spend enough individual time and attention on each baby for them to learn to read before preK, be potty-trained at birth like in China (that is so insanely awesome though), walk at 9 months, blah blah blah. That doesn’t make them any less smart. I think they are brilliant. They pick up most things through discovery and not me, and we are like, “Um…how did they learn that?” They also have great social skills because of each other, although we may learn later that they are totally weird kids. Probably.

-Any special individual time is rushed, because there is always the thought that the other little one is being left out or about get into a disaster. This, I suppose, would be the same for moms with multiple kids. The difference is for me, not the kids. I never got to have the special mommy-baby bonding time for long hours with my first child.

-They are full of personality.  Having two helps me to see the little things that are unique to them, rather than assuming that everything they do is typical of all babies. They are all unique, I just get to see the differences in mine because they are side by side. It's really cool.

-Having two little ones has taught me that God hears and answers even the shortest, weakest, tiniest of prayers. “Please protect them from nightmares tonight.” or “Please God, help me out here!” or “Get me through this day, and hopefully help me to look at least a little bit like you doing it, Jesus.” Or “Keep them healthy!” or even just “Oh Lord!”

-I realize that in no way do I know it all or have absolutely anything figured out! I'm positive there is plenty that I am missing. If you have "Double Lovelies," share with me your differences!

So, in conclusion, We’re Different. Yeah, We’re Different. :)

Glossary
2Chainz: A crazy rapper who makes dumb but very catchy songs about nonsense
Singleton: the term that twin people use to refer to normals behind their backs


Comments

  1. Thank you for this. I also have twins (18 months) and 2 singles (3, 7 months). I am so thankful God gave me twins even though it is definately hectic at times. Even though they are twins they are different. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading Kimberly! Mom of the year award to you, woman!!!

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