The Problem With Smart Kids

Some made up statements, but close to things I’ve heard before:

“My mom said I’m too smart for homework.”

“She is throwing things because she is too smart for this. She is bored.”

“Only geniuses get into that kind of trouble.”

As a new mom, I have started to ponder where this problem with using intelligence as an excuse starts. I think it starts with a sweet baby just learning and discovering a new world, and a family that is very proud.  People have approached me about forcing my children into ‘advanced development’, mentioned that they are behind because they are twins or because they are preemies, said “They aren’t walking yet? Baby Dreidel was walking when she was 3 months old” (that’s a totally made up quote), and asked me what I’m doing to MAKE them start walking or talking or painting landscapes or whatever. I feel like it’s all a big competition over who has the smartest kids. And I think that it all starts in an innocent desire for a child to be and have good things.

But those poor little baby geniuses can’t always live up to the expectations set for them, so then excuses are made for when they behave less than perfectly. They get into trouble because they are bored with their peers. They are allowed to say mean things to adults because they are using an advanced vocabulary. They don’t have to even fulfill basic expectations for children their age because they are ‘beyond’ that.

But think about what that child is set up for- an unsatisfiable feeling of entitlement. Seriously, when a high school senior applies to an Ivy League school or even a community college, does it matter that they were advanced at two years? Better yet, when a youngster starts kindergarten, does the perspective teacher ask at what age the child started walking? IT DOES NOT MATTER.

I say, let kids be kids and let babies be babies! As a teacher and a mom, I am all about independence and autonomy! It is not in my nature to force my child to walk or hug or drive a lawnmower.  I let them figure things out. They aren’t walking yet. That’s not because they are twins, or because they were born a month early, or because they are developmentally delayed. It is because I DON’T CARE. I am super excited about it happening, whenever they are ready.  But if they aren’t interested, I don’t care either. They are more interested right now in dancing, making monkey noises, figuring out how a chair or straw works, hugging stuffed animals and each other, waving at everything, opening and closing doors, anything that they have discovered on their own. Very little that they know and do is because of me introducing things to them. We really only work on things they show an interest in, like Olive wanting to know what is on the bottom side of a dining room chair. We have been searching that thing for clues all week.

You see, to me, being smart doesn’t mean much. I guess you could say that I was a smart kid, but I did not know that. My mom never told me she thought I was smart until I was about to go to college. Being smart in itself was of little value to my parents, so they didn’t dote over it. I did know that when I accomplished something, it was because I worked hard! And when I got into trouble, it was NEVER for a good reason.

Hard work, independence, an adventurous perspective, compassion, thriftiness, peacefulness, and social responsibility. Those are traits of value in my family. They are the traits that make being intelligent something of use. Without them, where will a high IQ get you anyway?

I don’t want G and O to know everything now, I want them to be life long learners! I don’t care if they read before they go to school, but I do care A LOT that they love books always (and they do, thank the Lord). I don’t desire for them to be developmentally advanced, but I do desire that they be loving, caring, compassionate people who serve others. Most of all, I pray that they love and chase after Jesus and that I can be a good example of a godly woman for them.

I hope I haven’t offended anyone with this opinionated post. I think its great to be proud of your babes, but just remember that there is so much more to a person -even a very young person- than being super intelligent.