This morning, like every morning, I got the Facebook notification that I had memories with so-and-so and yadda yadda. It is one of my favorite parts of the day; to see all the fun pictures, reminisce in the sweet memories, and laugh at the silly old jokes. Some posts from the past bring back bad memories though. Even when looking at photos of seemingly joyous times, the senses remember the negative feelings that no one else could see. I might have hid it from everyone else by smiling in the photo or typing up a cute and lighthearted caption, but I remember.
"On this day" three years ago I was SUFFERING from what some people call the Baby Blues. I'm not so sure it was bad enough to be Post-Partum Depression but I was terrified, anxious, lonely, sometimes angry, and mostly hopeless. I felt all this even with two healthy babies in my arms that I wanted so desperately to love better, and this only added a heaping amount of guilt to my list of bad mommy feelings. Good news: This struggle didn't last forever for me and I learned to ask for the support I needed.
Anyway, the gut wrenching feelings I get when I look back at these memories are not triggered by the actual photo, this one to be precise...
The painful feelings come from the comments that other moms left for me. I know they were probably typed up, with a smile, to encourage me. But they did not encourage me.
My sleep-deprived and depressed mind translated those cliche bits of motivation as follows:
"You'll miss this." - One day you will wish you were once again miserable and smelling like spit up and surrounded by crying babies.
"Well I did this and that and it worked for my baby." -What's wrong with you? What were you thinking? You can't do this!
"It's so worth it though." - You don't love your kids as much as I do, because when I'm cleaning poop off my face and hands, I can only think about how blessed I am.
"Enjoy every second." -You should be embracing the physical, mental, spiritual, psychological and marital testing that comes with a set of twins! It's all so totally enjoyable, don't you agree?
"Just wait until..." -I'm so bitter about all the crap I went through as a new mom that you can't possibly be ready for the dose of motherhood that I endured.
So, if you have been one of the fellow moms to dish out this kind of pep talk, it's okay. I know now that you meant well.
If you are a new mommy who is currently struggling, here is the encouragement that I desperately needed and did on occasion receive from very understanding and probably once-struggling Mamas:
"Trust me, it gets easier."
"You are a great mother!"
"Your life isn't over. You will have freedom again one day!"
"Don't forget about yourself! Do something that makes you happy today, girlfriend!"
"Ask for help!!!!"
"Accept the help!!!!"
"I'm coming over right now to wash your dishes. You want a chocolate milkshake?"
"You look awesome, you rockstar!"
"I remember how hard that is. I'm praying for you and baby."
"How are you doing?" then nothing, because she is LISTENING.
Sometimes the right words can save someone's day. Thanks to all the sweet people who pep talked me three years ago!
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| My first chocolate milkshake delivery service went to my best friend Anna! We share all the mom feelings and questions and worries (and even a due date!). There is no judgment, no embarrassment, no shame; just love. Our girls are now besties and her new babe is our baby doll. There are no sad feelings here! |
Also, Sweet Mama, do you need a milkshake? I deliver!
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